


This Bleeding Heart of Mine

by MockingJay720



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arthur Pendragon Needs a Hug, Arthur Pendragon Returns, Canonical Character Death, Comfort, Comforting Merlin, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Grieving, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Immortal Merlin (Merlin), Inspired by Art, Loss, Minor Character Death, Not Beta Read, POV Arthur, Past Character Death, Reunions, Tags Are Hard, and he gets one, loss of a spouse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:47:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23980291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MockingJay720/pseuds/MockingJay720
Summary: Arthur lays in the dark for a while, an odd weight on his chest.  Every time he closes his eyes he sees his kingdom and his subjects.  His knights, his friends, his wife.  And that’s when it hits him.  He’s never going to see any of them again.  They’re all dead.In which Arthur comes back and realizes that he’s lost almost everything.
Relationships: Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 60





	This Bleeding Heart of Mine

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve read so many fics about Merlin crying when Arthur returns (and rightfully so, the man’s been gone around 1500 yrs!). However, I only know a few of fics where ARTHUR is the one crying about his own return and what that means for him. And let’s be real, the man wakes up, is 1500 yrs in the future, everything is strange and new and different and everyone speaks a different language… and everyone he knew except for Merlin is long dead. I think it might take a little while to sink in, but once it does...
> 
> Loosely inspired by [this](https://spielzeugkaiser.tumblr.com/post/121508551636/waking-up-after-centuries-is-upsetting-enough) beautiful piece of artwork.

It takes Arthur a day for it to click.

His first moments alive are filled with utter confusion. After he gains his bearings, he trudges through the lake and drags himself onto the bank. He strips his armor off and looks around in bewilderment. Nothing looks familiar. Arthur’s just about to start walking in a random direction when he hears a strangled cry. He turns in time to be yanked into a desperate hug by a man now sobbing heavily into his shoulder. Once he realizes it’s Merlin he returns the hug fiercely, even though he’s unsure of why Merlin is upset. The two remain wrapped together for a while.

Merlin fills him in later that night, once the two had wiped their tears and gone to Merlin’s house. He recaps the battle at Camlaan and explains how Arthur had died. He describes Camelot in the decades after, recounts Guinevere’s rule and morosely dictates Camelot’s fall. Merlin summarizes the years after, only detailing the major events in the world. He cries some more when Arthur finally wrangles out of him his desperation and depression and complete loneliness as he lives century after century with no one. The two go to bed that night emotionally drained. Arthur’s last thought before he falls asleep is about Guinevere and his knights and Camelot.

The next morning he forgets all about it as Merlin explains modern times and “electricity” and “technology”. Arthur’s never been more confused. He finally gives up, declaring that everything is simply magic and that Merlin is just pulling his leg. Merlin laughs and calls him a clotpole. They spend the rest of the day messing around with the things in Merlin’s house.

The two go to bed that night physically exhausted this time. Arthur lays in the dark for a while, an odd weight on his chest. Every time he closes his eyes he sees his kingdom and his subjects. His knights, his friends, his wife. And that’s when it hits him. He’s never going to see any of them again. They’re all dead. They have been for a millennium and a half. A flash of pain rips through his chest. His throat becomes clogged and his eyes sting fiercely. Arthur sits up and bends over, forehead touching the mattress as he takes in deep, desperate breaths. At some point, they become gasps for air. He feels tears pushing angrily at his scrunched up eyelids, wanting to escape. Bitter sobs choke in his chest. He suddenly realizes that he’s trying not to cry and that’s what makes him break, because if he doesn’t have a kingdom and people depending on him to stay strong then what’s the point?

He doesn’t remember much of what happened afterword. Everything becomes muted. His ears buzz and his eyes are so blurry that he just shuts them. His nose runs and his mouth is open like he’s screaming desperately. He realizes later that he is. His frame shakes with heavy sobs and even though he can’t hear it he can feel them tear at his throat as they escape his gaping mouth.

Eventually, he realizes that arms are wrapped around him and that they’re rocking him slightly. He digs his fingers into the shirt he’s leaning against and lets his consciousness go fuzzy again.

He wakes up the next morning with a pounding headache. He raises his head up and notices that he’s still in Merlin’s arms from the night before. Merlin’s slumped against the wall, arms limply encircled around Arthur’s waist. He must feel Arthur move because he lets out an undignified snort and jerks awake. He looks around in confusion before he sees Arthur and his face softens.

“How are you doing?” he asks gently. Arthur shrugs. Merlin nods and rewraps his arms around Arthur’s shoulders. “What happened?”

Arthur’s lower lip trembles at the question and he digs his face into Merlin’s shoulder.

“They’re gone…” His voice is a rough whisper. Merlin lets out a broken noise and his embrace tightens.

“Arthur-” he begins.

“They’re all gone, Merlin,” Arthur cuts him off. He thought he had finished with the waterworks the night before but his eyes burned again and he closed them defeatedly. “My whole kingdom. My advisors. My home. My knights.” Arthur draws in a shaky breath. “Leon, Percival, Gwaine. Guinevere-” His voice breaks on his wife’s name and he starts to weep again. This time he’s almost silent. His grief outweighs any way of expressing it. Tears trickle down his face as it screws up in complete agony.

Merlin says nothing. There’s nothing to say. He squeezes Arthur tightly and slowly draws circles onto his back and runs a trembling hand through the hair at the nape of his neck.

Arthur doesn’t stop crying for a long time.


End file.
